dasein

Dissolution

2005-02-18T06:52:00.000-05:00

"... dissolve any hindrance to self by exposing the ways of the reflective other..."

It means the dissection of reality, it means cutting to the quick of how self is defined, as well as, what one takes as not-self. It's a dissolution of bounderies between what is sensed and that which senses.

It means, if you know words or any other object, like thought, it's as the reflection of the interpersonal in relation to the extropersonal contrast of self. Irregardless of mind or the thinker of thoughts, the sensor is the vanishing point that does not need to maintain qualities of it's own, like a silent mind or a healthy body. It doesn't get to keep those qualities for itself, nor would it want to, since everything that defines it's presence, including it's desire, is the seperation of the reflectve self to other.

The amazment of a thinking mind get's resolved. It is clear that there is no permanence to that or any other object the thinking mind finds to be always the case, in which reflects a property like truth, as there is dissolution of self that get's taken to be any such property.

-Peace and Love

I took this last night, notice the ease of access us guys tend to enjoy while watching TV. Actually, maybe we subliminaly just forget!

Speaking Drama

2005-02-14T23:09:00.000-05:00

Guilt by disassociation was never one of my fortes, but today is a new day and this week or so has presented yet another interesting twist.

During my sebatical from being a local (easier to reach) parental figure, I spent the greater amount of my focus dedicated to what it takes to be a"figure" to anyone, anywhere, though the looking glass of my eyes and the sound through my mind. As those years seemed to rush by, I took into account my every action in a way that became relational and compassionate. It was my entire goal not to envovle my children with my habitual angst and dispassion with "the way things are" Yet much to my ever living dismay, it had become my distain in that search for the best reaction that lead me to my current forray of disassociation from then and their doings.

Abstract:

1) I cannot subject force apon a person without allowance, it's not only impossible to undermine desire to do something, it's also futile to pressurize one's beliefs into a nice neat little package and present it to someone else.

2) Under the surface, we all think that there is something we must imbed, some way of thinking we must adhere to, in order for our children to flourish. Given that underlying thought, we cannot treat anyone with such harsh subjective scrutiny, as if they have so many options outside of "what happens".

3) The entire thinking that there is a grand future is lax. Today is exactly as good and workable as any other day, for as long as days do pass. Doing something NOW, is as much out-of-reach as doing something later. Yet we tell each other that we put stuff off? OR that we are saving something up for another time?

I used to truly believe that we had those options, that we could just manifest eventually all our desires into organized lil catagories, lay them out on a table then pick and choose which ones were less utilitarian and which ones gave us the most gratitude. Irregardless, as individualst aht choice never actually presents itself outside of retrospection. There is no way to present or imbue a future tense, without defining it via a past experience. As those experiences change and the view changes as well, how is it that we present a case that is always true, outside of reflection?

Although that paragraph seems wordy and tough to jumble through, the general consensus is that we have nothing todo with our actions and doings. Not that life is fated, but that we utterly have no present being that isn't defined by past experience to relish in or be detrimented by the future experience. This being only slightly understood, on the surface, is exactly what draws those fears and angsts out enough to push away the "other" to create the quality "survival", as if there isn't anything that isn't "alive" and has some quality that doesn't manifest at least some change under condition variation.

The only "special" quality of mankind is the belief that they can accurately express themselves without the same qualifications as a rock or a tree might be shown to express under a set of qualities embued apon them. No object exists that doesn't react! And we are still trying to teach kids that there are inanamate things out there that simply sit idle under any condition :-)

Peace and Love

How can I "Get Some"

2005-02-10T01:06:00.000-05:00

It's a crushing weight alone, to not express, to not share ideas and the comforts of kinship. Thankfully, our worlds greatest gift is this expression, through music, writtings, images, constructs, encounters, a reaching-out these feelings shared are the epic qualities of being.

By smashing and condensing expressions oriented around grand emotions we attempt to hold them, for our own, and we each suffer, over and over. Each expression, even in anger, gives our lives richness and fullness we can never achieve soley as the independent beings we have continually attempted to maintain...

It's never been, nor will it ever be, one that stands alone, as a winner...

Chevelle Lyrics : Get Some:

"I tried an idea for no reason
Keep the sun off our shoulders
Crawling back to...

[Chorus]
A black out
Touching new life
Face down
Set the pace again

The drive, the idea, still existing
Sat and shuddered, broke the pattern
Falling inward
In and down up and out
Let it go, follow way back
Call it off, any day, anyway
Make you feel this...

A black out
Touching new life
Face down
Set the pace again

[bridge]
Don't take the fall
We'd hate to see
That's entertainment
Get some
Eyes on the goal
Last one to get
Is passed over looked over
Never rehearse
They've spiked the water
It's in the blood
Get some
We've underestimated
How can I
Get some
How can I [x3]
Get some
[outro]
A blackout
Could this be the one"

What more needs to be said?

2005-02-06T06:31:00.000-05:00

An alternative worldly perspective for the ritious US citizen that can only imagine gaining the spoils of war. AKA, the war mongerer...

News from Iraq

Being foist into the legal system lately, it's continually apparent to me that not only the US government, but the majority of the worlds population still are driven to control via force and fear. It's not surprising that the local government, here in my city, has commisioned the usage of cameras on the streets for the protection of the good folks that obey the law (and gain some coin too!), those god people, who just so happen to find enough food on thier tables and a viable shelter from the cold. Yet, what of those that are not as lucky? Are they forced to steal, bend the rules, fight through their misery in order to make it day to day? Do we honestly think that by putting these folk in jail, that it's going to stop such injustices?

This is centuries of habit, kill or be killed is still the reign over the land and it's not changing the life of a "nothing to lose"-r. It hasn't changed a darn thing over millenia and it's not going to start miraculously occuring now. We either deal with our differences (at any given moment) compassionately, or we all suffer the wrath ultimately, the ill and sickly takes us all, be there for them and you'll have them for yourself when you too fall prey, we all go down together. Nuff said.

Peace and Love

United mutiplicity

2005-01-15T07:12:00.000-05:00

There is a building of sensation, as these things get expressed they have always relied on perception to validate and count them. Our experiences seem richer and fuller as the count grows, people feel more diverse, pain and pleasure comes in multiple flavors, the real and the alluded to are exposed more often and are backed by more diversity. Yet they always expose the sign of the only dependency, that of perception, awareness, consciousness.

We, the world, the body of sensation doesn't get to be experienced, but is the experienced, solely. There is no way to remove the scientist from the experiment, no way to take John or Mary out of the loop of his correct or incorrect behavior. As they, the body of sensation doesn't live inside of perception, it doesn't get to be born then dies onto itself, all that are properties of awareness as perceptual truths that there is nothing apart from consciousness. There is only one, which has nothing outside to contrast with it in order to be counted.

Memories arise now, as the past, yet there is no memory apart from this now and no future to look onto without this here, as it is. Finality exists only as this definition, of what came before, then changed into something else... The living conceived, the dead laid to rest, none of which has never existed outside of this moment, this only consciousness play. No requirements to prove it, believe it, it need not be exposed as the why continues to dissolves into it's answer.

-Peace and Love

Absolution... More excerpts from "Dasein-The Aire of Matter"

2005-01-13T04:55:00.000-05:00

Jacob faced the glowing stones and continued. His face showed that look of absolution and purity that came only when one speaks the truth, Carmen knew the look. She studied him intently, tried to discover every gesture to unlock the secrets of his being. His word flowed through her like light through glass as her imagination took form and function. The room slowly morphed from the dingy shanty into the palace of gold she first envisioned when Gilliam told her to seek him out. Her only reference to the sensation was that of love and adoration, not of him as much, as of all possibilities, of all that is natural and real.

"From this moment on, there is absolution, the dream and the real united. The yearning for absolution is complete, here and now, for the distinctions show no signs of form and no need for function. By any typical standards as a dasein that follows time, studies aspects and makes determinations about real and illusion, causes and affects, that comes from here and goes to there, it's life, the very focus would become wavered and unstable. There is only this, one awareness, one truth, one reality and this as it has always been, the center of all things real and dreamt about. What shows up from here, this center of being is this absolute, there is no more living or death for you; you realize the truth, there is never a you that has come into being."

As Carmen stood frozen, practically lifeless, she understood for the first time herself as the drama, as this center that is followed to eternity. She could fathom body and mind, but couldn't correlate them as parts, the glowing stones, Jacob, the palace, the eagles, everything as herself, as this center of being for this center of being. Her body reeled with energy, began to glow and she felt the pull slipping away from her stance that before only seemed to keep her body glued in place. All those people, those things, that energy, a projection of the reflective consciousness through this awareness.

"What's left to do?" The question arose and dissolved in the answer... "Nothing"

Her memory remained enough to notice the twing of that thought which also dissolved into "I am everything that requires doing as it is laid out before me, my path is absolute and has never wavered once, for if it had there would be no future." She is whole in this dissolution of pieces, she is free, unburdened, irregardless of what awareness manifests as her reality.

"This is the most subtle form of being, the duality of the center" Jacob explained, his words simple ideas that continued to shower her thoughts. "When an atom is smashed it has nothing to do but release it's energy, energy it never owned, energy it remains, it's origin is this, it's future is this, it's end is this as well."

To her now, it couldn't be spoken, it could only ever be known and that knowing the crux of all knowledge of every dasien, even aspect of any life and death situation, that in which has always been of all things, seen, heard or discussed in the halls over every angle of existence. The weight of purpose and the heft of form, released into this knowing of I am that which cannot be explained away with words.

Carmen seeks out Jacob...

2005-01-09T17:00:00.000-05:00

After her struggle with the mountainous terrain, the cold and the less then pleasing sharp edges of the great masonic glacial cliffs, she stood before what seemed to be a modest dwelling.

"Not what I expected..." she thought.

Perhaps in her mind she felt as though it would be a spacial palace, covered in gold tapestry, decorated in jewels and masked by the lingering midst she trudged through for the last few months. She was, in fact, seeking the saviour of humanity and this to her meant that this person would at least be immortalized in a ghostly god-like image adorned by many followers that had built a towering safe haven magestic fortress.

"Braving the terrain ma'am?" An internal voice shattered her mind set.

"Wha? Who said that?" She gazed around to see a young boy standing almost statuesque as if he were part of the backdrop.

"Oh, I'm sorry... didn't mean to startle you"

His mouthed moved and the sound seemed to be coming in through her ears this time.

"I'm so used to speaking with nature up here that I forget the spoken dialect customs of
humanity."

"How?... What?" She had been stunted to find her vocabulary before, but this time it was an outrageous thought that this boy could speak into her mind.

"Trying to formulate words is troublesome and with limited oxygen in this atmosphere, it's best to find alternatives." His breath seemed less then a typically expected rate and the words he spoke seemed to move across the cold directly into her thoughts. "If you'd like I can speak for you?"

"No, well I mean... That won't be necessary. I'm in search of..." Her words abrupted by a gesture.

"Yes, you're searching for me" he gazed peacefully into her eyes. "I've been watching; noticed you stumble a few times; went on about my business with the eagles nests I've been tending to."

He paused then continued "Figured you find me soon enough"

Just then an eagle soared onto his shoulder, praticaly manifested by the midst. She was uncertain of the abilities this boy had and she felt a slight bit leery for her safety, even though a wave of calm and warmth seemed to radiate his presence.

"You need not worry, the expression on your face shows it well. The mental exchange of communication is merely one way to the mind that allows for such intrusion" he motioned for her to follow him as he started down the trail to the meager shelter below the glacial ridge.

"Is this the crossing?" she inquired "I've was told to meet you at the crossing, but when I asked what that was, I was simply given a vague location and was told you would find me."

"The crossing, eh... Interesting title. This title must have come from Gilliam, no doubt" without the expected look of inquisition, he continued down the path not even awaiting a reply.

She couldn't have fathomed that this was anything other then the exact place and the exact moment that he was to meet her, almost as if this was fated to happen exactly as she was told by Gilliam. The question seemed to fade into the answer as quickly as the eagle had vanished back into the midst in which SHE came.

"Woah!" Carmen stopped suddenly

"Yes, that bird is the mother, leader of the flock that plots throughout this land scavaging and feasting on it's beautiful and tasty inhabitants... You knew because she told you, said g'bye and g'luck on your journey, in case you missed that part in the wake of your shock." he smirked with a glowing sort of grin. "many other tidbits to expose and explain, but time for some comforting rest I would guess."

Dating; Blah!

2005-01-06T07:50:00.000-05:00

It's getting very tough to justify dating right about now. I was listening to Stern this morning and some chick came on talking about getting a breast reduction in which her husband of 8 years left her for over the action. She talked about how obsessed he was with them and how he only loved her for her cans. So she in turn took it upon herself to run off to the doc to get them removed from something like a "G" cup to a "AA" (pretty drastic, eh?). Now most guys and girls are pretty shallow folks and it isn't incomprehensible that he didn't want her to go ahead and reduce them. She did however let him know (the night before the procedure) that she was doing this, not even close to good enough I would say. If in fact she had some sort of medical problem and had to get them removed that would be one thing and the guy would be a dirt bag, but that wasn't the case.

Anywho, this reminds me of a date I had recently. It was a similar sort of thing, she kept talking about how shallow guys are and how they only love their women for the parts, well duh. The honest assessment of why anyone would have a relationship (a daily, tied up with someone kind) comes from wanting to feel good about each other, that includes the parts. Needless to say I wasn't interested in having an argument, which further shows that this girl, no matter how cute she is, just isn't for me. Dating is really a pain in the arse and if it doesn't just fall into my life and become pretty automatic and mutual fairly quick, then I'm just not interested. I have adolescent children that spend more time arguing then they do putting any thought into what they are fighting over, I think that's plenty.

Well, as I'm accessing the "why's" in why I would even want to date anyone, I'm finding it difficult to find a really great reason, given the intolerance people tend to foster over each other. I really would rather be alone then in the middle of drama central 24/7. If it wasn't for the kiddies, I'd move somewhere warm and go back to whoring around till I found someone to stick things out with. Kids are pretty grounding and that's a good thing too!

-Peace

Truce!

2005-01-03T10:16:00.000-05:00

After much ado about the up and comming prospect of "blog novel publishing", I have hit a snag and thus it shows here 8-fold. Dasein, The Aire of Matter is still in the editing and re-wording stages only to then be released to a small editorial group for even more refinement. I cannot accurately say when a final release is due at this point. I continue to somehow overlook the lyrical complexities of turning imagination into words rythmically enough that when going back for a re-read, it actually makes some assemblence of sense. Ahhhh, what we tend to ramble on about in our lucid, detached moments.

I have however been playing around with creating a continual saga write and posting them daily and have also been toying around with the design and editing of a legible blog that captures the theme of the writting of the day. Not such an easy task!

Anywho, the typical daily grind has returned and I now have a headache the size of Japanimation!

-Peace

Further Absence

2004-12-30T01:10:00.000-05:00

I haven't wrote much here in awhile and have been continuously reminded of my invariable lack of duty, there is good reason for my continual absence; bizzie-ness. OK, so thats not a word, but it has been a way of life!

I have actually been busy writting, wrapping gifts, then playing with them for hours on end. Ever since my move up to the burbs, I have had hordes of pre-pubescent teens gathering in my home, eating all the food, scratch and sniffing, and generally being 12 year old boys. This years "big thing" is knock-off zippo lighters and the x-box (with THUG installed) I endulged my son and I with this year for x-mas. I pretty much have no alternative social life outside of this and can't think of a person I would rather spend the majority of my time with then the kiddies. Although, I do remember the years of bar-hopping and waking up to a new house guest (shockingly) just about every weekend, it was never quite as comfortable and entertaining as listening to my kids talk about their daily drama.

My nest-egg, however is in art, writting and my newly found stray kitten, mr. smoosh-shmee, marcus. At this moment, my son is passed out on the couch, smoosh is purring and I'm awash with "all is right with the world" thoughts, even as the death toll in asia soars ever higher. But this is what we, as people of foreboding, live for these days; a quite evening at home with the ones we care for and that manage to stick around long after that pair of comfy slippers wears thin. Oddily enough I know a larger part of the population actually have this sort of "life-feeling" right around this time in the form of x-mas wishes for themselves, just to be at peace, at home with people they can joke with, pet and love.

Yup, all those years of schooling, tolling over learn'd behavior, acceptance and it comes down to being in the midst of exactly what is available apon birth, family. Oh well, it sounds nice anyway!

Peace, Joy and Love

Quite solitude of no-returns

2004-11-29T19:42:00.000-05:00

Carmen stood out on the level ground amidst the backdrop of pure blue skies in what seemed to be utter silence. She adressed herself, her clothes stylisticly out-dated, her stance was bleak and tiresome, her fortitude clearly shattered from the trek that took nearly 15 years to bolster through.

It was clear to her that Katelyn would reject her presents the moment Carmen came into view and this disturbed her more then the face of death itself. That face, that daunting image that followed her like a black cloud whilst she remained missing in the darkest reaches of what now felt as an eternity.

"Where is my home now?" she spoke to herself as she looked back on the whole charade. One that no soul could accurately express as a comfortable life.

There was no way she could feel good about her standing as a drastic confrontation to the family she only fleetingly knew in her teens and now, juxposed outside of a bustling city, she faced that true intellegible fact of no-return. She realized she did, for the first time in over a decade, feel comfortable in this quite solitude of pure blue skies and soft, long green grass.

"Yes, I won't go back" as she turned to address the rest of her existence in the shadows of never having to meet up with fashion trends, boy-crazed love affairs and social dramas of rightousness. The odds seemed much better now for her to be at one with the unknown, at peace with any finalities. She could find no pleasentry in a return to the hustling madness of the modern world.

Well, that was a snippet of the Carmen saga. There are 6 character dramas in the first implimentation and I've been fluttering on the illustrations. The majority of the book is written in third person mode, with narrative, then into a more intimate first person mode, even though most of it reads more like a play then an normal novel. I've spent alot of time screwing around with format, then I have on content the last year; reflections written in prose, dialog in playwrite stances and the narratives in novel form.

Ugh, I just over-sweetened my darn coffee!

-Peace

Further on... About directives

2004-11-04T05:03:00.000-05:00

Hmmmm. Isn't it funny when you read through a blog or any other written piece and think soley about yourself and how it relates to you?

So far, there have been 4 people that teether themselves to the thought that I'm sitting here postulating about them when I write. The more obvious reason it relates to you so well is that you're reading it, manufacturing relations and making decisions about directives on my behalf. Rest assured that I'm not concocting up images about you and your mannerism when I write up a storm. Yes, I am a relational creature, but there are so random few that come up in my mind when writting that it's impossible to say it has anything todo with you directly. Right now, you guys know precisely who I'm speaking to (especially from that pit in your stomach right about now), but other folks will actually be able to relate to this process too, dorkis :-)

My writting style these days has been a mental monologe since practically everyone in my immediate locale just can't hang. Other then a brave few that have ventured out of the boxed social constructs of a supposed shared reality we call life on this planet, nada have captured my attention. Oddily enough that's what most innovators do, then get cruxicified for their blastphomy!! Yay me and keep sitting in fear ya whacko control freaks ;-)

Somehow, I mangage to keep my obssesions right here at home, which is far more thrilling then out-there in la-la land where people talk a good game about trying patience, being screwed over, stalked, angered by and generally creeped out by people that couldn't honestly give 2 shits about em. Welcome to a beautiful shiney shared reality, you can keep it! I actually do care and it's not because you can do one darn thing for me! Try pay it foreward without expecting to see a return on your investment, you might be surprised :-)

-Peace and Love

Decision 2004

2004-11-04T03:55:00.000-05:00

How funny, here's my rant for the elections, if you can get through it and actually come out the other side then you are right here in muh head ...
Enjoy!

I'm actually glad to see the large amount of Kerry supporters argue with the apparently larger amount of Bushites in the past few weeks. There is a vague insight when peering into the contest of this dichotomy of opposition, neither side has a focal position nor will either side readily be able to unmess the circumstances.

It's more then apparent that freedom can and has become corrupted by a system of choice and this society among many before it continue to fall ill prey to lack of vision. I whole heartedly abstained my "official" right to cast a ballot for or against any such system of attempted controlism (and notice it is only a futile attempt). I am completely at a place of an abrupt decline for the dichotomy and the desire to maintain such a tiresome system. Sound's like a bunch of silly big complicatedly arranged words. But it's not. I'll say what I mean here...

Nether you nor I have a chance to get off the ground given a system of nutured
fight or flight dichtomy. There is only the imagination that cannot be readily revoked and regardless who jockeys up for position of supreme ruler, there remains this self absorbed condition and we attempt to control it in such a way that it imposes fear from the outside, in. I'm sorry, but regardless where I lay either here or there, dead or alive, you just can't take anything away from me nor can you give me my due accord, thanks for your disfunction, but I abstain.

You can opt to give up, move on, rebuild or stand and burn up energy keeping the forces at bay, but here in your heart of hearts, empty and shallow, you too will dive into the plummeting darkness no matter who says differently.

The universe is a personal space that doesn't take you with me

Hey, that was fun! Welcome to the space of my imagination.

Peace

States - In search of Enlightenment

2004-10-31T05:45:00.000-05:00

Many of the issues that get deeply scrutinized when talking about states invokes illusionary tactics to avoid death, which for most folks just isn't a state that can be reconcilled locally (as a self-witnessing experience once finalized).

Last night was ghost story night at the halloween party. The kids were all excited about this, as kids tend to get when in the midst of a new state to be experienced. Not unlike a child reaching for the red hot elements of a stove to see what it's all about, they get burned post haste. It doesn't take many kids long to notice that
there are an infinite amount of states that have been broken down literally and variably (i.e. happy, sad, hurt, joyfull, angry, jealious, scared etc.).

When speaking dualistically, such as we do, all those states are a variation of 2 basic thresholds, a high (good) and a low (bad). Even though those 2 conceptuals are states which doesn't take most inquirers long to get feed up with seeking the good and eliminating the bad.

This is probably the biggest discussed, bragged about, argued over or otherwise defended by someone said to be a realizer or enlightened person. It's this common theme that get's folks all rilled up, since you can be scared of the unknown and I (the realized one) cannot. So many have attempted to prove that they are in control of these states.

Yet, since they don't understand who they are that could have such a control (the controller cannot be localized) they must hit that turning point that there really is no controller. That they themselves are not-two, apart from the states in which they attempt to avoid or rationalize themselves away from. No matter how clear this becomes it still goes against the very grain of human choice.

I would say that most of this comes as no shocking suprise to the majority. Many of us have sat and pondered, discussed and shared, either in a ilussionary manner or a direct one, about this yet another conceptual state of being, away from the pains of
being and right into the arms of joyious bliss. And much like every other state it takes alot of practice to get it down pat enough to say, wahla!

It seems as though it is mighty clear to me these days that these states too are interdependent. In the wake of my daughters fears from a story she couldn't attest to, but could however, relate to the suffering of the characters of that story, her fears were as valid as my strength when telling her it was alright and that she would be ok, safe in her bed soon enough. We are, without a doubt, interelational, interdependent beings that have no way away from this that we all are, which at times brings great comfort and others great pain and sorrow. If it were not for this interelatedness, as well as the ability to practice strength, we as beings could not interact and go through these changing states, there would essencially be no-one there to be experienced.

Like a fish in the ocean, if it knows tricks to avoid being eaten it's making choices, if not it's pure dumb luck (a chooser and a choosee). Not unlike the ocean fish we too are learning tricks to be united and to feel good about that unity. Which ever states you jockey through to get you there is perfectly organized up into your mind and body. All of which equal up to not even one.

- Peace and Love

Chatroom...

2004-10-22T21:42:00.000-04:00

Although I typically have alternate stuff todo on a friday night, I took it upon myself to visit a yahoo chatroom. After entering, did I not only get lambasted with porn messages, there were two girls in there have one of those funny arse chat fights. One (via profile) was rather chubby and the other was skinny, both arguing over chat name stealing. Even though this sort of thing is kinda funny, today it was just one of those depressing scenes. The two girls couln't possibly collaborate on their common taste in name choosing (it was "baby gurl", oh so very original even) it was what? more fun to fight about it. That sort of thing is a prime example of why the weak (especially minded) tend to kill each other off.

In the wake of the remake of John Lennons song "imagine" I can just see that compassion is vacant among the inept. Not being a peacenik (one that thinks peace and freedom are worth fighting for and running around carrying signs about how disfunctional the government is) I can tell this is going to be a rough road. There are more then 6 billion people in this world and I would say that at least half of them are in need of a mental illness ward. The school systems, which are a vital part of this worlds contrasting (and less intellegent) view, down to any sort of family value system are so half baked that there is absolutely no possible solution besides exstinction. Truthfully, that is a solution I'm fully vested in being a part of.

While most of my post are about compassion and understanding, this duality of war for freedom and the persuit of happy-happy joy-joy monstrocities are simply just to whacko for words. It's really not even in the numbers that is the issue at hand, it's the disinterested, self absorbed, direct off the marsupial branch of evolution, that have a corner of the warmonger, hate market. Thier arguement, "get with reality"... People kill to survive and yes, they do in fact live in the stone age with clubs. Of course comming from a family where the women still get beat over the head for whatever, makes for a good arguement on that sort of reality!

Well, it's inevitable now. Histories repeatative nature is flurishing like mad and people are the cornerstone to overrun, out fox and generally fuck up a perfectly good few centuries worth of effort to get past this sort of whackiness. All's I can say is I hope everyone enjoys a roollercoaster ride into oblivion and can learn how to swim really fast and loooong.

Cheesy...

2004-10-19T20:32:00.000-04:00

So it's 80's hair band night here at the ole' homestead. This was really brought about by a friend of mine and her struggle to get a band recognized by the rock hall of fame here in Cleveland.

Anywho... I'm just dwelling in this little ditty by Whitesnake (who will not get into any hall of fame). The song is called the deeper the love and I can (at times unfortunate) relate...

::::sighs::::

When I look back
On everything I've done
I know you must have cried
A river of tears,
But, you were there
When I was feeling low
To walk me through my darkest fears

So when the sun goes down
An' those nights grow colder,
I will be there
Looking over your shoulder

An' the deeper the love
The stronger the emotion,
An' the stronger the love
The deeper the devotion

There were times
I almost let you go
When I thought I needed to break free,
But you were there
To whisper in my ear
Why don't you share my dreams with me.

So when the sun goes down
An those nights are growing colder
I will be there
Looking over your shoulder.

An' the deeper the love
The stronger the emotion,
An' the stronger the love
The deeper the devotion

I don't mind, what you're doing to me,
I don't mind, 'cause you're all I can see
I don't mind, baby, you mean the world to me

When the sun goes down
An' those nights are growing colder,
I will be there
Looking over your shoulder, baby, baby, baby.

So When the sun goes down
An' those nights are growing colder,
I will be there
Looking over your shoulder.

'Cause the deeper the love
The stronger the emotion,
An' the stronger the love
The deeper the devotion...

I never gonna let you go,
In my heart, I know.
I love you, I love you.
Oh baby, I really love you...

-Coverdale/Vandenberg

Ahhh now I remember why I like "Big Wreck" so much. So modern day 80's hair band in the feel of bands just like Whitesnake.

-Peace

Dream with me...

2004-10-18T20:32:00.000-04:00

So, we hired a new guy at work last week and I gotta say he looks aweful familiar. Strangely enough he shows me a pict of his wife and 2 year old and they too look pretty familiar too! I can attribute this to nothing, not meeting in the past directly, not just seeing them at some local haunt (they live in Medina) and not by measure of insanity.

The main thing that I have been able to attribute meetings of prior knowns such as this case is my obtuse dream states as of the last 3 years. It's not uncommon for me to have deja-vues anymore, nor has it typically been uncommon to recognize others that I'm certain I could not have met any other way (more typical as well that they do not know me from adam). The first most vivid delusion of this happened when I met Jodie, the next when we moved in together in Kent (approx 2 years later) and then many minor glitches over the 2 years after.

I can only surmise that it's meditation practices and completely out-of-the-normal, sleep patterns. My sleep in general has been short deep cat naps and my daily routines are for the most part, foggy and unbalanced. I've been doing some research on this whacko phenomena lately, but there is no way I can validate my findings or put up some sort of explanation here that jibs with much that I have read. Ahh to be uniquely "off".

This afternoon I jumped right into that cat nap deep sleep I tend to take here and there and dreamt about dreaming and how that functions (in a fantastical sense). Not that I would like to even try to figure anything out at this point, but it is pretty odd and off the beaten path from what I can tell when others talk about dreaming and premonition.

lalala

-Peace

The peaceful waves of prosperity.

2004-10-10T20:16:00.000-04:00

"To have a million dreams once full-filled, ends the dreamer"

I can't begin to discuss the balance people find so facinating about living. The most elaborate way to say it is simply "smoothing over the rough patches". Today open heart syndrome, tommorow survival skills, maybe the next day sheer luck!

The expression of how one guru told about the experience of; when the dillusion of "always teacher" to "always students" dissolved, he gave up on gurudom. To have a million dreams once full-filled, ends the dreamer and recognized guru or not, this is the prospect of anyone that inhabits the "I shall be king" authority.

"All living, die; All hearts beat together; Unity requires seperation;"

The limited wall of time, the factor regardless of a seen-through value to humanity, wears thin at focal point. All living, die; All hearts beat together; Unity requires seperation; and variances of such talk are relational, subjective and often times disheartening to the survivor. If there is something that I can be better at then another I, it isn't simply the doing of said I. No teaching and no experience has told anyone differently. That is the crux and also where teachings fail dramatically.

I wholeheartedly agree that the more one tackles, with various fevor, a goal... The more value they deem themselves to be and that needs not be spoken of through language, but through action. Oddily enough, against any mental constructs, without uttering the logic of it, regardless of age, we all seem to know this, yet as we grow older it's sight fades, it's usefulness and value diminish and we loath more and more, another day of it.

Granted this idealism doesn't make sense and doesn't apply to everyone all the time. We all tend to have our prime, where we are indestructable, primatively keen, and at peak performance. But, tommorow thankfully is another day and a good quite solitude of peaceful rest is a blanket of concern.

Ahhh hats off to the idealisms inbred, of an infinite duality.

Peace and Love

Slacker complaints

2004-10-08T20:13:00.000-04:00

I've been slacking... and yes I've heard all about it lately, "what no time to blog?" Without making lots of excuses, I've really just been busy. Any free-time I have had has been spent writting (chapter 4 is almost complete) and playing Star Ocean - Till the End of Time. A mucho sweet game on the PS2 (in case you didn't know).

A couple things have crossed my mind lately though, really just out of the blue...

"Whatcha got?"

Who's got time? Better yet who has more time the anyone else?
The questioning can continue on pratically eternally, but this physical presence just doesn't.
Make any sort of sense?

"Dig this"

Welp, I case I don't get back on here before the 11th.... Happy b-day Lindsey!!

"In closing"

Take this to heart, we are all one. Doesn't matter who you vote for or where your allegence falls
nothing has been done, beyond the living idealisms, that can take you away from the universe
you precide. These idealism are not matterless, but who can say what has been done would be any different given different choices.

-Peace

The distance between you and me...

2004-09-24T11:19:00.000-04:00

"The distance between what it is to believe you know and what it is to know, is to vast to fit into the frame of contest."

In order to manifest seperation (distance) there must be space to do so. The idea of space and the reality of space among humanity simply doesn't jib. Space isn't the lack of "something", space is still a presence, a phenomena (for lack of a better common word). If a location is available it's said to exist, it is said to be a location, what makes it available as well as the one that traverses a distance continues to be an issue among philosophies, religions and the scientific communities. Although all those communities seem to avoid dispelling a "gods creation" idealisms, if one is to encompass a unified theory, one has to look into "what a creation scheme entails".

"Who made who?"

As age-old a tale as the question "what came first, the chicken or the egg?" one must first decide (in a sense) if either actually exists as a dependency apon the other, if there is a such thing as cause that leads to affect or if we as human beings with a given frame of knowledge have the ability to solve such a question, thats if the question actually has a solution, assuming neither are "completely fabricated" out of nothingness. Further more, is it the question that drives the inquisitor or is it the answer or is it both? It appears as if a chasing of the tale is afoot.

Religion says: It's god, ultimate primordial being, omnipresent, omnipotent. Obviously with a sense of humor to boot!

Some Philosophy says: No individual existence can be found. God idealism remains present but unified.

Science says: A big bang threw all the muck about and whala. Millions of years go by and
here stands humanity, scratching it's head. Still, god must have created this something to explode and form planets, put together laws of the universe, something MUST have created
it all!

As you can see, each one leaves a hanging "out there" god presence. There is also a furthering question of WHO or What created god. You may also notice that the wars that have continued to tare apart the world of humanity, which is driven by way of this majority of god-believed riteousness. If a god, did in fact create EVERYTHING and the idea of NOTHING, then not only are the wars gods creation but so is the realisation that nothing is apart from this creation, not even the ideas of riteouness by way of god. Pure fate, pure choicelessness in the matter. Confusing? Well, no doubt reality has plagued mankind for as long as there has been a way to document it! It's not a wonder why the world is at odds about the truth, especially if the truth doesn't exist independent from us and our god idealisms. Also notice that humans tend to think in contrast (logic) which tends to dictate a verses b.

Some often wonder where the motivation might come from as well. Why look into this stuff anyway? Perhaps asking why isn't going to dispell such motives either. Why does anyone do anything at all? It's truly spectacular that we even exist, let alone understand ourselves and our motivations.

We are ALL in this together, not even to death do us part. Feels pretty good, eh?

-Peace

Negation Dissolves

2004-09-23T08:26:00.000-04:00

"What is the lack of zero?"

It's a long lived fairy tale that there are actual things called negatives (unless were talking about film). It seems centuries of mathmatics has overlooked this lil fact and we continue teaching this stuff in schools. Not sure why this came up for me now, but back in high school, I remember sitting in algebra, doodlin' and day-dreaming during the lessons on negative integers. The teacher caught me in my dillusioned state and had me come up to the board to solve a problem. I approached the board, somewhat red-faced and proceeded to solve the calc rather hastly and correctly (peeshaw). Apon returning to my seat she asked me how I knew how to solve that problem. It was clear to her I hadn't paid attention in class since day one nor turned in any homework. I responded that it was simple math but that negative calculation is about as useful as day-dreaming my way through algebra 1-2. I was sort of a class clown in those days, even so, she had no response and seemed rather flustered.

"By counting the stars could we ever understand anymore about the universe?"

This is one of those fiddle-fuddle questions, yanno the ones that you tinker around with while looking out into the vast abyss of space, pondering alternatives to your humdrum existence. Hey, it's what makes scientists so respected, they're not busy trying to get laid, playing sports or driving really fast cars!

Anywho, some might say we have alot to learn. But since we have no real idea what sort of lesson (if any) dasein is about, then the lessons just might be self-creating. Could we learn to create a star? Could we design a planet? Ahhhh...

Negation, it's non-existent evermore!

-Peace

Wreckless Abadon

2004-09-21T06:55:00.000-04:00

This is one of my favorite word combos and it came up last night after a 12 hour day in the ditches of the graphic arts world pelted with rush jobs and disorderly conduct. We were talking about how work has been slammin', how the economy is crazy and how people (when stressed with labor) can get outta hand. I've gone through sooo many changes mentally (not many physicaly, cept lossing my hair..LOL) that patterns start to become exposed. Yet, we talked about how most people really don't address those changes, especially when thrust into the mist of all that craziness. AHA! Oh well, nothing to deep there, but, it can be fun (or scarey) to check out what makes us all tick.

"You can't stop change, it seems to be the only *thing* that exists"

Voting for... truth

2004-09-15T23:18:00.000-04:00

The principals of this patriotic society are misguided IMO. A socialist government or democratic system such as this is far outdated and the population that supports the system is at fault for any and all economic, social, technological or any other expression being fostered. This means that not only am I at fault for such a system, but so are all the contributers that are alive in this somewhat confined space that supports us, nutures us to survive and feeds us to live in a manner we are acustom. This human policy of governing bodies, under it's own accord, faltering away from a living form of unity and collabortation.

Foremost, humanity begets the "rights" system. Free speech is one major issue on platform this year as a "right". There are a great deal of folks fighting (in a sense) for free speech. Yet, speech is non-collateral and non-discriminating. If you know a language, you can, indeed speak about anything you wish, regardless of the conciquences in how those words are recieved. The basis of "rights", that idea of who has permission to say something and how it is presented is utterly disfunctional. We all have the ability to shut it off, but we also have a rule in place that sounds sort of like this. If there is an influence directly related to ones-self such as verbal expression, that influence is weighed against alternative influences by the individual. What we have and what continues to be the case is the unwhitting choice of thoughts in which to listen to and those we discard. But what isn't always clear is how we engauge that influence, whether listend to or not at some later moment. This makes the issue a free speech a cumbersome and somberous issue. We really don't know, with precision, any phenomena that might manifest for freedom to speak what comes up, nor do we have a source in which we soley draw from that has a direct answer to such a question. Those that truly believe God speaks to them, may know without a shadow of doubt, they have the truth. Yet since the source is unclear and uncognizable by everyone why believe it anymore then any other experience?

As a human, I often notice this lack of awareness. As if it is a cloud that forms around the mind, turning it away from what might be the truth or a definitive answer. As part of a growing philosophy there is the thought that there is no specific source for such information. A moving away from faith as the alternative means of governing. not a seperation of church and state, but a seeing that in no way can such influences be disseminated apart from us. For example, if Bush believes taht god told him to bomb iraq and he does this with authority, how can the faith of source be seperate from such an action? If that faith is truly not a seperate action how can anything, but all influences (either religious, cultural or democratic, etc.) be more or less then source itself. If there are individual that cannot or choose not to comprehend this, how can we say that, that to isn't in part, source as well? This concept makes for an extremely difficult working enviroment and a large scale amount of confussion about what is truthful or real.

It's called seperation as a suffering (non-dual understanding). Meaning the ability to manifest any phenomena that includes thinking we are or there is some seperate entity out there that not only controls but defines ones very existence. It's not even a matter of giving up the god notion, it's a matter of witnessing that not even the notion of god is seperate from our entire system. But in turn, that god, the idea, that wanting to be close to him, be rea, to be a continuing entity as a percieved individual is also, in complete depth, the very existence of source of all individuals. Akin to the notion of all as one is a force to be reconed with, such as an army that is organized and fighting for a common goal, much in the same way if you were to take a human out of a living, nuturing enviroment, seperate that human from the source of it's living, like on this earth, is a form of suffering.

In most cases this witness role imbues more suffering, since currently there are a grave amount of people that have belief systems in place that, in the mental construct, this form of a seperate god-devil out there waiting for thier death to punish or praise them for thier deeds during life. Imagine how dangerous this view is to that mass of people that refuse to believe thoughts like this. Me as an individual to take on the masses of people that have spent their entire lives believing they are not only seperate from any of this (ie a soul that goes to heaven or hell) but that god too is a seperate entity that is floating out-there, and or everwhere that they will come to hiim in his kingdom as they are good, but born as evil. Does the witch trials sound familiar here? How about the crucifiction of jesus?

Well luckily it's time, there are enough like minded understanding folk that might make a similar sense of this realism that has been long placed on the back burner of mankind. Perhaps I might be lucky enough not to get ousted and suffer for this _expression of free speech :-)

-Peace

Parenting as a meditation

2004-09-15T23:10:00.000-04:00

Well, I really couldn't help myself this is such a great story and it brought tears to my eyes. Being a father of a child like this, I can relate and feel a place in my heart for this type of experience. Hope there are some that can enjoy this as well.Mothering as Meditation Practice
by Anne Cushman
(excerpt)

For the first few weeks of my son Skye¹s life,
he would only sleep if he could hear my heartbeat.
From midnight to dawn he lay on my chest, his
head tucked into the hollow of my throat, awakening
every two hours to nurse. In the day, he¹d nap in
my arms as I rocked, a slideshow of emotions‹joy,
exasperation, amusement, angst, astonishment‹flickering
across his dreaming face, as if he were rehearsing every
_expression he would need for the rest of his life.

If I dared to set him in his bassinet, he¹d wake up
with a roar of outrage, red-faced and flailing. He
cried if I tried to put him in a baby sling, frontpack,
stroller, or car seat. He cried whenever I changed his
diaper. And every evening from seven to nine, he cried for
no apparent reason at all.

When Skye was two weeks old, I ate black bean tacos
for dinner and he screamed until sunrise, his body
stiff and his fists clenched. While I sobbed along
with him, my husband actually called the emergency room,
where the nurse on duty told us, kindly, that it
sounded like gas. The next morning, a nutritionist
friend assured me that everything would be fine so
long as I stopped eating dairy, wheat, yeast, soy,
corn, legumes, garlic, onions, tomatoes, sugar,
peppers, broccoli, and citrus fruit (and considered
dropping fish, mushrooms, and eggs). As Skye finally
fell asleep in the crook of my right arm, I collapsed
on the sofa in my bathrobe, eating cold brown rice
with my left hand and spilling it in his hair.

It was about that time that I decided that what I
had embarked on was an intensive meditation retreat.
It had all the elements, I told myself: the long
hours of silent sitting; the walking back and forth,
going nowhere; the grueling schedule and sleep
deprivation; the hypnotic, enigmatic chants
("and if that looking glass gets broke/Mama¹s gonna
buy you a billy goat..."); the slowly dawning
realization that there is nothing to look forward
to but more of the same. And at the center of
it, of course, was the crazy wisdom teacher in
diapers, who assigned more demanding practices
than I had encountered in all my travels in
India like "Tonight you will circumambulate
the living room for two hours with the master
in your arms, doing a deep-knee bend at every
other step, and chanting, Dooty-dooty-doot-doot-doo,
dooty-dooty-doot-doot-doo.¹" Or "At midnight you will
carry the sleeping master with you to the bathroom
and answer this koan: How do you lower your pajama
bottoms without using your hands?"

Like all great spiritual practices, these were
exquisitely designed to rattle the cage of my ego.
They smashed through my concepts about how things
should be (rocking in the garden swing by the lavender
bush, watching the hummingbirds, while my newborn
slept in a bassinet by my feet) and pried open my
heart to the way things actually were (standing
by the diaper table, flexing one tiny knee after
another into Skye¹s colicky tummy, and cheering when
a mustard-yellow fountain erupted from his behind).
And with every breath of my "baby sesshin," I was
offered the opportunity to cradle my child in my
arms like the baby Buddha and be present for a
mystery unfolding. . . .

As a new mother, I¹ve found myself wondering:
How are other women negotiating the dance between
practice and parenting? How does their practice
affect their mothering? How does being a mother
affect their practice? Are mothers changing the
forms of Buddhism in America?

And the most compelling question of all for me
can mothering really be a path of practice every
bit as valid as the monastic path? Can suctioning
the snot from a sick baby¹s nose have the simplicity
and purity of a nun¹s prostrations? Can wiping out a
diaper pail lead to "the awakening of the Buddha
and the ancestors?"

On one level, this question seems absurd. Nothing
could be further from the regimented march of a
formal retreat than the disheveled dance of motherhood.
The books on my bedside table used to be about pursuing
Awakening in the Himalayas. Now they¹re about preventing
awakening in the middle of the night. There¹s a diaper
changing table where my altar used to be; my zafus and
zabutons have been requisitioned to cushion Skye¹s play
area. Forget about chewing a single raisin for five
minutes and admonitions to "when you eat, just eat"
I¹m on the phone with Skye on my hip, ordering
baby-proof plates for the electrical outlets as I
eat cold veggie potstickers with my fingers straight
from the cardboard box and rub fresh spit-up into
the floor with one socked foot. It¹s hard to find the
moment even to tell myself that this is a spiritual path
I¹m too busy looking for Skye¹s other mitten. . . .

I feel plugged into the world now, in a way that
I never have been before. As I feed my child out of
my own body, I see how I am fed by the body of the earth.
I¹m crocheted to a chain of mothers before me, and a
chain of unborn children who will inherit a world that
I can¹t even imagine. I want Skye¹s grandchildren to be
able to swim in the Pacific, and hike the granite ridges
of the Sierra, and gasp at the blue herons
standing on one leg in Bolinas Lagoon.

Is this "attachment"? Or connectedness?

I don¹t mean to be grandiose. I know these insights
aren¹t the pristine diamond of samadhi. They¹re a sloppier,
stickier kind of realization, covered in drool and Cheerio
crumbs. But maybe this is the gift of mothering as practice
a kind of inclusiveness that embraces chaos and grit and
imperfection. It¹s not based on control or keeping things tidy.

It makes room in its heart for a plastic dump truck
in the middle of the living room floor, and rap music
leaking under a bedroom door at midnight. It doesn¹t
slip away in the middle of the night to search for
enlightenment. It stays home with Rahula the Fetter,
and finds it there.

As mothers, what can we make of that story of the
Buddha leaving his family in the middle of the night?

I asked Fu Schroeder. "Oh, but he wasn¹t the Buddha
when he left his child. He was a young prince, in
terrible pain," she answered.

"If you¹re awake, you don¹t leave your child.
Where would you go?"

For the full text of this article, please see the fall 2001 issue of Tricycle. www.tricycle.com

Punk-Arse Blogs

2004-09-12T04:23:00.000-04:00

Welp, I was having this three-way (convo that is) with Mai and Caroline last night, which was fun since one lives in Michigan and one in NY and I rarely get to talk to them since they moved. We got to chatting about blogs, (well it turned into mine specifically) but about blogs and WTF people write their Punk-Ass thoughts on web pages for? Oddly enough, I really didn't have a good answer for them (they have zero web presence themselves). I did however have bad answers, like it takes the mystery out of realtionships or any future relationships one might be invovled. It is often read by people you either A) talk to all the time anyway or B) people you wouldn't ever talk to at all or C) someone obsessively wanting to hear everything about a blogger that won't eva talk to them! Ha!! So really that leaves blogging for middle school to college age folks about their dailys and bf/gf probs and us middle agers ranting on and on about our kids who are either in middle school or college themselves.

To me though, this blog is really just another outlet. I have no super duper relationships going, there really isn't even one in the works that I'm remotely interested in and I guess if I could gather up the family enough, it would be to keep them in tune with my adolescent yammer. Yet of course my family is scatered to the four corners and really have no interest in much, if anything at all that I might have to say!

Well, anyway... I got to perusing my list of blogs that I entertain on a fairly regular basis and noticed a similar pattern. Most of those folks (if not all) are pretty much in the same boat. Many of them might have fairly large families, but it seems as if their families prolly don't even know they have a blog at all. Most of them seem to be writting into space and not many people give a crap about what they have to say. Even so, it seems they have this "lover" in mind that they either never talk to, can't stand, or just wish like hell this imaginary "lover" would take notice of them and how smart they are. Not that it's just single people blogging, but it's people that really have no full-time relationship and have something to say about it or, they aren't single and can't talk to their spouse or significant other anyway. In other words "loners" for lack of a better word. This is the image portrayed by my two absolutely lovey but critical friends and one I now happen to concur with.

I honestly don't know why I do it, especially after that convo. Like I mentioned before I don't know anyone I would like to talk to about this stuff, which is why I'm vapidly single still. Even in the relationships I've had, most of these rantings just fly right ova their heads or they really just don't give a crap to discuss my madness or, the latter, that it really takes the mystery our of my thinking, that whole "keep em guessing" thing as if I'm pondering some really useful thinking they are just missing out on. Eh? I should write a book, huh?

*sighs* I think I read way to many blogs :-/

-Peace

Imagination Station

2004-09-10T13:32:00.000-04:00

"As imagination bodies forth the forms of things unknown, the poet's pen turns them to shapes, and gives to airy nothing a local habitation and a name."
-William Shakespeare

OK, so everyone tends to qoute Shakespeare in their blogs (least the ones I've been reading lately). But no one has posted this gem, least none that I have seen. It's usually the romanticisms of his profound yet overused works that get shuffled around. But this one, is really a deep seated philosophical sort for Will. The "everything from nothing" philosophy thats found in more modern works, even within some Neitche may have been born during the Shakespearian era! Of course Neitche is more famous for the "God is dead" rantings; this "everything from nothing" dualism spures his proof that God is really dead, BTW.

Well anyway, if you've notice that imagination spurs creation, you might also notice motivation as a common factor. Motivation for survival, for romance (aka sex, love, affection, acceptance) or purely for recognition of how wonderful "I" am in the sea of unwonderful people. *laughs*
.. I guess the Shakespearian era provided more then just musings that sound really wunnerful on the stage :-)

VitaminR

2004-09-09T20:08:00.000-04:00

Can I just say that I love this band? (Chevelle) His voice reminds me of mine during those recording years in high school when I used to blow out my voice out singing stuff like gnr, def leppard and other assorted heavy stuff (old skewl heavy anyway).

Since I'm on the band kick today I want to give kudos (although popularity does that without my help) to a few others, jet (totally kinks, iggy pop with a modern twist), papa roach, shinedown, three days grace and of course anything Mynard :-) Ahh and hanging around subpop.com (bands like the now defunct soundgarden) new stuff like The Shins is a great place to hear up and comming bands with slammin' garage band like noise.

Well, with the power outages comming and going, I'm gonna get going before I have to type this over. Makes answering e-mail sort of painful :-)

-Peace

Emergency!

2004-09-07T21:42:00.000-04:00

I typically keep seperate random sort of thoughts between here and my deviantart page , but I'm sort of lazy today, in a fun sort of way. So here is what it sed over there...

OK, so I'm sitting at work today and the emergency broadcast system comes on. Usually it's a test, but today I was thinking it might actually be about the weather and me getting out of work early due to some horrid storm that knocks out the power again. So I turn it up and wait for the good news.

Well it seems that they are now using this system (at least it's getting some use anyway) to have folks be on the look out for a van that supposedly has this young, possibly kiddnapped kid in it that might be heading toward West Virginia.

The description of the van seemed vague as did the description of the parties invovled. So much so that I wondered how anyone would actualy do anything about it if they had seen such a white van and what they would REALLY do if they did. I feel bad for all those guys driving around in a white van heading south east this afternoon. Thats if in fact people are just dumb enough to DO anything about it if they see one.

To take this one step further, could you imagine if everyone did a missing persons bulletin like this. Would there be any time left for actually widespread emergencies? Not that I don't feel bad about guys or gals that get nabbed unwillingly, but come on... this is just not what the emergency broadcast system was/is used for. The fact that there are whackos out there that nab kids like that is just as nuts as those folks that would listen to that system, grab their "9" and go nutso on every white van they see heading south on 77 toward West VA.

Egads people are messed up :-/

Peace

Sports...Drama and Magic

2004-09-02T08:43:00.000-04:00

Last night the select team got thier buttocks kicked playing Chardon. Ha!
Afterwords, on the drive home, we had a talk to JP about his performance. Honestly he doesn't put all his effort into the game and I often wonder if he actually enjoys soccer much. I'm not even sure if it's a lack of ability or if it's a lack of motivation to play his best or just a combo of the two. Being his dad, I remember what it was like to try and excell at sports. It was never really clear why I was doing it, what it was that motivated me to get "better" or perform at my best.

I'm pretty much absolved that this thinking is a hinderence to anyone that get's into any activity. If you directly address motivation, it's vague and shallow. "I want to fit in" or "I want to have fun" or "I want girls to want me". Well at 11 years old the later usually isn't on the mind, but the other two seem to be a big factor.

Here is another one. My oldest and I were discussing sports the other night and he asked which sports I played when I was his age. I told him I was playing ball (baseball) at his age and taking tae kwon do too. He mentioned wanting to play fall ball this year and possibly wanting to do the latter too, just like dad? Hmmm. So thats sort of a "fit in", "following the footsteps" idea. I think he knows though, that I accept and love him even if his main sport/activity is playing video games. Which, by the way, Pikmon is even more fun then the first one! I can't wait to actually play it myself, since Z has been doing all the playing and I have just been watching, not so patiently I might add :-)

Well, I'm scatter brained this morning and I had all this stuff I wanted to address, but it's left me somewhere around the Pikmon moment... Maybe more later?

Peace and Love

The face of this play... distant and longing

2004-08-29T15:47:00.000-04:00

And to which desire does the man cry for... Pleasure, pain, delusion, security? It's not here in this heart that yearns for justice, it's only the heart in pain that bears the search for redemption...

"Lost in a dream high, wide and long

whatever price to keep it by your side

the steps to the top are very steep

king of the hill when all are fast asleep



But I'm stuck in between

and I know you know what I mean

what a pity... redemption city



Broken hearts toast another round

and drink to the lost, there's not a soul to be found

lonely boy says come what may

I hate to see it always end this way



But I'm stuck in between

and I know you know what I mean

what a pity... redemption city



Simple words remind me

Cluttered room, it haunts me

come back yesterday



The soul is tired and you wants to go home

and close the curtain on everything you've known

but the curtain is high, wide and long

it kills the dream so we sing this simple song



Stuck in between

and I know you know what I mean

what a pity... redemption city

what a pity..."   -Corrosion of Conformity

Chaotic heart

2004-08-26T10:37:00.000-04:00

A personal story...

A blanketed evening of dark emptiness swoons the melodramatic mind of Silva, as she ponders her continual acceptance of abuse. Her physical health wavering, her mental stability, hopelessly deafening. She sits on the porch, looking out on the neighborhood of fancies and prays for redemption from a world so cold and meaningless. Her eyes swollen, absent from tears, bruised and blackened, reflecing only the dimly lite corner street light, the only glimmer she has strength to bare.

Hours of screaming, of beatings and loneliness race through her mind, "what have I done so wrong?" She remembers the days when the man she's loved since grade school was so sweet to her, never smelled like alcohol, embraced her each morning and held her through the night. Now all that remains of that love is but a fleeting memory. "Where's the strength?"

All that she sees now is desperation and for what purpose she does not know. Her death would certainly end the pain, but may also end the pleasure that still is so vivid in her memory. She wishes it was that way, happily ever after, like the fairy tales she clung to through her teen years.

In hour darkest hours she learns not to feel, to close and distance herself. Yet, still, inside she knows how powerful and happy she felt when she gave up her heart, gave her all onto the man that now beats her for his own darkness, his own egomaniacal absolution. In this place, within her mind, she is distant, an overview unfolds as she feels a deep hatred for his hateful ways. An eye for an eye, the teachings from her childhood ring out like clock tower bells of release.

What is she missing, she wonders. It hurts so deep, yet with the pain comes an intense pleasure when she visualizes his death. "Is that it?".... "Is this how it's all built?" Those questions without answers that equal the joy she could feel knowning he is gone, never to hurt her again.

"It never ends" she assumes, "It's kill or be killed. Screw him, no one will miss him anyways"

The hurt now is intense as she imagines the reality of taking a life she once adored so fervently. A ray of hope for his continued existence is there, she decides it's best to discover how to work with her heart/ his heart to overcome the anger, the rage, the jelousy.

It's here on the porch, the choices become clear, it's only the chooser that is confused as to which will bring her the life she once knew and if he will understand how to co-operate with her plans, as even she doesn't know how they might be best laid. "What will it be?"

--- A fairly typical scenerio for abused women. What might you say to her, to yourself, if given a similar situation?

Discovery

2004-08-26T10:05:00.001-04:00

"We follow a path that goes no where and today we haven't come any further from that moment of reality diversion"

Promise- Can't be yours, Can't be fullfilled, forever changes everything.
Heart- Is love only in the a way that full-fills ones desires.
Peace- Describes death, realising you could never be alive to it.
Hope- Meets only one step of all the steps of the living.
Power- Comes through no one and ends in no where.
Help- Can only happen when equally respected.

Today is the day I can never keep-- Tommorow is a day that never comes-- This life is a yesterday that has no end-- How heartless to believe we don't love without desire and need-- Unconditional means nothing without a base of condition-- A child's heart is pure while throughout life is blackened by distain and hatred-- Knowing the difference is forever pure of heart as a child-- Hoping for a better tomorrow is giving up on today--

Peace and Love

Tempting Fatality

2004-08-22T22:33:00.000-04:00

"Several hours of meditation this afternoon has unleashed a beast. The burden from the up-heaval of humanity and gain. Fantasy drives, hearts race, time stands still, fleeting, breathless... Nothing to hold onto, lasting is only a fantasy, imagined."

Mai sent me this and it's depressing for most, eh? Ever notice, what you notice seems to consume your mind. "ahh I see now, now everything looks and sounds like "what I noticed"". So lasting is good for what? Could you be miserable forever? Could you be happy forever? at peace forever? What is forever? Haha, silly!

No best bets, just sticking with what I can't figure out.

Peace and Love

Blanks

2004-08-16T09:30:00.000-04:00

Dreads, Bujingai

Artist, designs, cleaning, unpacking. Woohoo!

So wireless networking is cheap and it's time to upgrade. This week I will have 5 networked items in the house... at best it's messy and at worst, cumbersome. I was going around the new place taking picts and will hopefully get to posting them here, hmmm. Shouldn't be hard to figure that out, eh?

This weekend was pretty much snug... The kids came back early from Myrtle Beach after the manditory evac for the hurricane. We went up to the ole walmart and game stop and I finally broke down and got the composite video cables for the ps2. After buying the digital tv over a year ago I went and did it! I was amazed at how awesome the graphics became!! It's freakin' crazy sweet :-)

I think the dreads I'm doin' will get mixed reviews... I get odd looks when I say I'm gonna do it. The kids think it's ok, so I dunno. Not that I really do those sorts of things for anyone but, I'd like to not be concidered a freakish outcast (although I might just be one already!!!). Well, It's not like it's some new hairstyle anyway.

-Peace

The magic isn't just in the make-up

2004-08-13T19:22:00.000-04:00

Within the artists mind, there is nothing,
except maybe nothing, that isn't beautiful and perfectly in
it's place. Just a few hours of surfing deviantart, brings
in a whole new meaning to the word "art".

Capping up limitations seems to be mostly scientific, logical
and quite vacant. Not that science does fit well in an industrial
world, the practice is only fun when carrying on with "bending"
it's own rules!

Today could be concidered a perfect day for physical
experimentation. I have had less then an hours worth of rest,
smoked entirely too many cigarettes, drank way to much coffee,
and am now just starting to feel my toes again from pulling
an all nighter in front of the pottery wheel. About 6 years ago
I would have prolly ended up in the er with panic attacks and
irregular heartbeat. Either I'm getting beter (mentally) with
age or enjoying life much more so these days. After 8 hours
of running up and down stairs, dealing with "rush" graphic
projects, listening to my boss carry on about how much money
he is lossing in the pressroom and taking on yet 2 more
design jobs I really don't have much time for (BIG BREATH),
I'd say things are going quite peachy!

Peace

And then there was none...

2004-08-11T08:07:00.000-04:00

Hello folks,

With all due respect the non dual movement and authors speak in
riddles. I am reading Tony Parson's An Inviation to Awaken. Is the writing
not nihilistic? Nothing, no one exists? I am trying to understand but
think I am leaning more to the Buddha's "Middle way".

Peace,
Monica-------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Monica,

For the better part of writtings non-dual isn't nihilistic.

What non-dual often says is that there isn't basis for things
and or being that stands on it's own. Not that everything IS
nil or void, it's that it's "not-two" (non-dual).

With the buddhist middle way there are two points, a highest and
a lowests, a middle way falls somewhere in between. A dualist
philosophy or overview of life/things/emotions, etc. The hottest
fire and the coldest ice, man existing somewhere among the middle.
This would be a prescribed basis for the universe, which includes
all living beings, all objects and concepts.

Where non-dual goes astray from that is, it say's, for the most part,
there is no existent basis, such as duality (hot and cold). That
there is no independent law that exists that holds the universe
together. The hottest heat isn't TRULY in contrast to the coldest
cold, it's just that we utilize comparison logic to describe things
as they seem and feel independent.

Some go the route that consciousness is the fabric that holds it
all together, the dual logic. But again that is a basis
or a rational about reality. A reality in which we cannot exist
apart from to be able to completely comprehend. You'll see the
dreamer and the dream used alot, not being seperable from the
other. Or the subject/object duality used to dispose of the
distinction of seperately existing subject and object.

The age old riddle of which came first, the chicken or the egg.
Non-dual has solved by saying neither could be without the other.
Not even time or space is apart from *this* to say what comes first.

Would time "be" without motion? Would motion "be" without space?
Would space "be" without objects to move about within? and so on.

Hope that helps!

Peace and Love

It's a day for comming out...

2004-08-10T21:59:00.000-04:00

"It matters not to whom the heart comes for,
When it is taken you are breathless..."
-Me, A dream of loves death

And so, it takes me, each night away from you
Every morning awakened by the dream, your smile
Broken with torment, pleasure fills this empty shell, undying

What is unmasked by the hearts full blossom, as we reach, we strive?
To fill each beat with hearts divide, swollen, voidless
It's you that is my dream, hopeless in your knowing, this love unshared

Ebbs of creation flow through this, this shell, these beats
Like rains droppings cleansing the dirty streets of the nights murder,
Even if you're beside me, the torment, creation never sleeps
It's the nights kiss, it rekindles, washes away the emptiness
Tommorrow another day, a day for comming out, into you

---- So really, does poetry ever really make any sense? LOL Maybe it's just mine that is senseless, especially when the feelings are unkept.

{Peace}

The fabric of time comes unraveled

2004-08-10T01:48:00.000-04:00

So, I love the new place. It's much smaller and more homely then the last one which holds up some real charm. Right now I'm sitting listening to Jessie meow, being needy and whinny. Funny how cat relationships are so much like people relationships. I couldn't even say how many women or men can get all whinny and needy, so I sit on the couch with her petting her till she shuts the hell up...LOL

Well thats sounds cold, it's not though, it's just that shes a super needy cat and I'm glad she my sons kitten and not mine. I would say shes sweet too, but when you get her all snuggled and petted she tends to bite in her playful lil way. Ahhh, well that could be good if she was human, LMAO.

Tonight I break the silence of times' silly progression. Wonder what it will be like to dissolve for a few seconds? Maybe the love I feel will become undone too!

Something strange to think about... Way out in left field, funny!

And so we dance as our hearts become one

2004-08-06T12:28:00.000-04:00

"Third, this bill meets our commitment to America's Armed Forces by preparing them to meet the threats of tomorrow. Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

-President of the US of A... GWB

Ahhh so we move on, past the juggular, onto the hearts of the fearful, burning with anger.
The children will be war bound, so the tears may cleanse the bloody ground .

It's a long way to go, to get to nowhere...

- Peace

Moved, bruised and tattoo'd

2004-08-05T21:22:00.000-04:00

OK, so not tattoo'd.. But I am moved totally...Yeah! Basically bruised too. The intern scene is mad this year and went to lunch and dinner with 2 very cute ones. Ahhh, yummy... I mean the food... er ok...

So, the new place is almost unpacked and in trump it's just nice and cozy. I think the dreads might be out this year though, to a few folks dissapointment. Even Mia is sort of bummed since she went to all that trouble to get me da stuff. Honestly, I'm ready to take it all off and shave muh head. There aint much left anyway... sigh!

Well, I'm not missing the drive from Kent any, but the atmosphere was nicer ;-) It makes up here though with the kids comming over alot more. Yay! Well, I'll just have to find a new subject to paint. Oh yeah and maybe a ferret will be in the works soon.

I'm sitting here thinking of painting, but of course my time is back to being limited with other projects and chit I'm gettin' sleepy eyed.

Peace

Fun with words

2004-07-21T10:14:00.000-04:00

True some folks won't find it entertaining though.
What a life eh?
Hi Adithya

I actually didn't get this post yesterday. Not that I have much to contribute,
but will try to share some of my thoughts on this...

--- adithya_comming wrote:
Dear Assembly of Great learned Souls,

Namste, Namaskar and ...Greetings!

First of all a very BIG thank you to Greg for his generosity in
opening an `unmoderated' list!

I was extremely surprised to find s many luminaries, so many great
Souls gathered together in One room at one time. And, even more
surprisingly, no Big spark is flying yet!

Truly Amazing!

J: Did you have some expectation about this group before joining?
Greg has always impressed me with his verbage too!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------

So what really happens after death?

J: What really happens after now? This moment you realize now?
Is it predictable for certain? If it is, then you're stuck with an outcome.
If not you're stuck with a possiblity.
Sometimes there is a way to tell a likely event, but it's vague and general.
You won't find a futurist fortune tellers here, for sure.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What happens to the item, the entity which says/thinks/knows that I
am Enlightened, I am Realized. Before, I thought I had this separate
identity, I thought I was confined to this body and but now I know
that I am the Self, ...the eternal Infinity.

J: For all intensive purposes the you you're describing could very well be eternal.
But there is no reason to subject a limit such as the passing of time/space.
Even so, logic will conclude eternal has no place to pick up and end.
It either never get's started or is always just as this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What happens to ...the one that Knows THIS?

J: Concider. What/who is the one that knows this?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is that knower just the physical brain?

J: A knower prescribes a known. Which comes first?
You're again stuck with neither if you can't figure out a creation scheme!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If yes, ...then, isn't that sense of knowing itself is an ILLUSION.

J: The sense of illusion is an illusion. What's not real?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The brain told you/brain that I/awareness am this separate body, now if
that no longer works well, ...it tells you yeah, yeah I am the
Universe. ...and, brain dead, ...all dead including the
entity/awareness/consciousness/Self-Sense that thought/knew it was
Enlightened? If that's the case, wouldn't it then be a very good and
effective brain Trick? Isn't brain capable of such a Trick?

J: Not just a brain, no. A brain alone isn't capable of any tricks.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What happens to this awareness, this AM-ness, this consciousness? Is
it just a product of the physical brain and thus dies along with the
brain?

J: Decay isn't death in typical terms. Death prescribes the end of living.
What isn't living? A rock?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
But, if consciousness is a bi-product of thing, a brain then who and
what makes those things and ...brain. How does evolution happen?

J: Ahh the evolution question! You'd better find a start first, before you run
through what evolution is, beyond the concept of, "How a human became a human".
Some might say advanced aliens drop humans here, of course your still stuck with
who made those guys too!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
...and, what happens in case of Birth? Is awareness always present?
Is every cell always aware including the tiniest sperm and egg dot
and thus embryo begins its journey with full and complete awareness?
Does awareness have no units, no degrees, no quantity; ...is the
awareness of a tiny cell is completely identical to the awareness of
a billion-cell entity?

J: Sometimes I think people have the wrong group in mind.
Any metaphysical biologist here? Joe?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
But, then is awareness/intelligence really a product of matter/cell?
Who made the matter, ...then? Who evolved it?

J: Notice you keep asking the same questions? What made who?
Are you starting to see something very screwy with that question?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
And, if it is all just matter of self-aware cells and even tiniest
atoms and electrons just combining together then who is `I'? Who is
this `I' that wants to know, that tries to know? Obviously, this `I'
has no awareness/control of how/what/when individual cells or
electrons work?

J: Might want to look into that. Manipulation of cells goes on all the time,
electrons (the theory of) also.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who governs them, then? Who is aware of them? If they
are merely self-aware with no
governing/organizing/managing/controlling/guiding entity then how
they work in such a harmony?

J: Systems of control are nothing like harmonious.
You might be thinking in terms of mechanics or electronics.
You could poise those questions to groups that address how those things work.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there is a guiding intelligence then
who is it? Obviously it is not this `I' as it has no awareness of
what happens at the cell or electron level?

J: Comere and let me pinch ya, then say that :-)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, Who am I, ...then? Is it just the Brain fooling itself first with
Ego and then with Self?

J: Lot's of picking on the ego and self.
What is it about folks wanting to single out stuff?
I could never get it no matter how hard I tried. Hey Judi
(ahh you prolly haven't read this far)... get this person a hammer :-)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What exactly is known, ...after the Self is Known? The knowledge that
I am `awareness or beyond' that exists prior to and without any
thinking, or sense perception? But, is it any new or even old,
knowledge, then? is not that already well understood in everybody's
life that the One that Thinks got to be beyond Thinking, one that
senses has to be Beyond Senses? What exactly is Realization, then?

J: Realization? Comes in assorted varieties. Pick one, bet ya can't!
If you do, well you're stuck (lots of getting stuck, eh?) with that group, which you might find
you don't like after awhile.
You could just stay in and beat your head against the wall, that's fun sometimes :-)

Sorry, I'm not picking on you, really I'm not, I'm just in a fun and silly mood today :-)

Demistified? Not likely...

2004-07-20T12:16:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone!

Lots of lates and greats happening. I met a couple of new folks recently, both from deviant art, yay! Hmm maybe we can actually compose a gathering soon.

Looked at alot of house as of late and only one has really struck me as perfect. I'm actually excited to get outta the house in Kent! Not that I love moving though, but it seems to be an every two year thing for the last 8 years, so... No biggy.

Doing quite a bit of packing, stuffing and cleaning and it' seems no one's up for helping out, typical... LOL I might have to start bribing!!! No really though, it's been fun going through stuff and some things are prolly best not be seen by anyone but me...

So what else? More nondual philo, painting, singing and dancing, work, playing ps2 (mostly ratchet and clank, which I did beat the other day, yay me!) Geesh, i'm such a child, i love it :-) Oh and the homeless shelter with rick and marry :-)

Anyway, more nondual philosophy posting below... Dare to try and figure it out, awww come on, I dare ya! :-)

Joe:
Hi Gene,
My understanding of what you are saying is that "truth" is a
linguistic construct utterly dependent upon words. IOW, there is no
truth beyond coherence in language.

Gene:
Now that you (someone) has said this basic
piece, allow me to elaborate a bit.

Language is not independent; so, what you
say above; ''truth is a linguistic construct utterly
dependent upon words', needs to be expanded a
bit.

Language is 'of' humans; and so, language itself
is 'utterly dependent upon humans', and this
includes each and every aspect of the human;
all senses, intelligence, memory, fears, hopes,
feelings, emotion; everything that can be
marshaled, of the human, goes to support
language. No matter, that so often language
is missused; it is all part of the human/language
interplay.

Jason:
I'm not sure what your trying to show here Gene.
If defining language is only spoken words, then maybe.
Yet, even animals have verbal communications.
It's often been shown as well that insects have various ways to communicate
also. So saying communications or in this case language is an invention of humans
only, that, I have a huge doubt about.

Gene:
In this model, 'truth' is solely a human invention,
and yes, it is expressed and found in language;
but, because language is a product of the human,
so is truth.

Jason:
Can you really find anything at all as a solely human invention?
I can't. I know you say so here that you have,
but I'm not seeing a sole human product anywhere.

Gene:
Truth, in this context... is a matter of making
meaning. The human, makes meaning. But is
the meaning made, an accurate reflection of
reality? This is where, the 'rubber meets the road',
as some are fond of saying.

Jason:
Yea, I don't even see "humans make meaning" as a sole product of humans.
It could be thought of that the larger animal kingdom and even larger universe,
goes on as meaning. And honestly when one can find meaning all over the place,
where is it really "made". What does meaning signify anyway? Specific qualities?

Gene:
Does my 'mental construct' of a world, have
any actual corresponding 'reality', beyond
that of the constructs of others?

Jason:
I see where this is going, maybe...

Gene:
This area of thought, must be conducted very
carefully. The usual 'nondual cliches' of 'no
world' or 'you are the only world' etc, serve only
to cloud the issue. This must be laid out in detail
for it to work and to correspond to 'reality'.

Jason:
Detailing reality? Hmmm doing that really doesn't work well.
Every independent thing you point to, seems to be a subject of something else.

Joe:
I'm not so clear on your conception of reality. Reality as
something "real" seems meaningless to me -- meaning, what
could "unreality" be?

Gene:
Now, you are talking. Good.

You have said, what I have been implying;
that truth and reality are not the same, that
even though we can 'language' with great
skill and accuracy, that we are not put into
any sort of 'reality' by our use of language.

Yet, most people seem to have the impression
that reality is quite apparent. 'It' is discussed
and batted around like an old familiar teddy-bear.

And like the 'comfort teddy-bear', it is held
close and dear; our favorite patterns of reality,
our most dear 'versions', are carefully nurtured
and reproduced with fanatical loyalty.

Jason:
So? I'm trying to figure out where your going with
this blanket and teddy bear. Whats invalid or misleading about...
"our most dear versions being carefully nurtured and reproduced
with fanatical loyalty"?

Joe:
Conventionally, reality is a social construct requiring apparent
others to appear in our consciousness and agree on what is reality.
So, it's a social thing.

Gene:
There is a saying; 'perception is reality'. And while this
is not 'true' in the strictest sense, as in my prior example
of the truth-speaking hallucinations, it is vital that we
understand that no matter what the actual 'reality' may
be, in an 'objective' sense, that the subjective perception
is, like it or not, quite primary. In this regard, yes, reality
is a 'social thing'.

One man who 'sees' more deeply than his compatriots,
may find himself mocked and shunned, because his
'version' may be at great variance with the majority. But
one who sees that deeply, can easily see how the fear of
being seen as 'different' acts as the primary bias, in matters
of perception. Our basic bias as children of a family is to
fit in and thus meld into the dynamic framework of
human interaction; that is where the 'goodies' (and a
lot of suffering) are found.

Jason:
That all sounds true, but the mockery does provide a way to
deal with and conform to each others perceptions, to relate.
The fear provides a motivator to adapt, to avoid fear.
Deviations between folks is where the adaptation shows, stands out.
I think when this is clear, there is far less suffering and
a greater appreciation of life in general shines through.

I see where you have touched on some really great points Gene.
I would say, whats not truth won't be showing up in anyones reality,
when it does then it is truth no matter how it comes across.

Dear World

2004-07-16T14:58:00.000-04:00

Do you realize you are suffering? and there really is no other?

YOU hurt, emotional pain, anger, rage... Do YOU know YOU don't know what to do?

I love, I'm free, at peace ever more, with or without you... There is no "me" and "mine" in this world and I'm not of it, only in it for a time...

All your fears and doubts are true and valid, but here in this place is heaven and your missing it, trying to control it, manipulate it for a personal gain, of which there is none to be found, as we suffer YOUR grasps.

"Seek not the truth, But a sword" Always defending YOUR honor and valor, as it's only well for a game, while others around you have none, it sickens me, draws me closer to death and I'm elated for it.

Every heart I touch, YOU destroy... Every laugh brings a tear, every smile a frown... it's endless for you and it's time you realized it... there is no other.

The power to make the world walk on with love lies bleeding in your hands, a wound so deep from YOUR clutches, you grasp to make it YOURS only to kill the beauty with YOUR rageful requirements, all the while missing the everything you already have and have to share... a heart, a kiss, a hug, a smile, compassionate embraces... there is no other.

It's a spectacular sight to see the world through the eyes of the world... and your missing it. That heart of YOUR suffering.

Potentate

2004-07-16T13:22:00.000-04:00

potentate \POH-tuhn-tayt\, noun:
One who possesses great power or sway; a ruler, sovereign, or monarch.

So there is apparently yet another word I just see no freaking meaning for... Who anywhere has dat sort of power?

I dunno, you guy's might wanna check out the word "free-will" again :-)

The way it seems to me is, there just isn't any grand poobah floating around manipulating people (with the exception of fear tactics). I think my wish is for the world to grow up already, it's been going on for millenia... Not sure how many times people need to hit thier heads against a rock before they wise up.

OK, so I'll digress now... Can someone give me ten million bucks so I can start a campfire to roast up some enchiladas? I have succumb to the bare fact that the world has just too many idiots floating around and guess what? You gotta love and care for them too!

Peace

On Being Aware

2004-07-14T11:21:00.000-04:00

A snippet of a conversation with Dan Berkow Phd. (as if that matters), Joshua and Myself...

Dan: What's not happening?

Joshua: A lot of things!

Jason: Really? Where? I've yet to see something thats
not happening.

Dan: Exactly.

"What's not happening" is my construction now,
of something not occurring, something missing.

But that idea of something missing, is something
happening.

It's like the question of unawareness.

What is it like to be unaware?

You can say what you want, but anything you
say about unawareness
is an idea you constructed, of which you're
aware.

Jason: It can be constructed as the perfect gift, essential. That of which "I am" this truth, uneventful.

Thoughts on Walt Whitman

2004-07-14T10:54:00.000-04:00

I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and self-contain'd,
I stand and look at them long and long.
They do not sweat and whine about their condition,
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins,
They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God,
Not one is dissatisfied,
Not one is demented with the mania of owning things,
Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago,
Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth.

-Walt Whitman

O.K. Walt so were not animals (in that sense). But, there is a beauty in that thinking. That thinking of belonging, in which the universal truth has no rival. The only aspect of belonging there is, is the universal all, love everyone/everything/every-quality or none at all. Any thoughts that pertain to me or mine are the crux of the problem.